he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
time to smoke my breakfast
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
