One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
please come you make the beer taste better
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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