Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
