Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
