Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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