the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
