I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
