So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
