If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
