Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
