So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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