i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
