I can tuck mytits in my pants
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
