Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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