the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Boobs are out for the taking
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
