I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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