these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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