There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
