I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
