the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
