I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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