Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
