Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize