I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
