Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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