now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
