the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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