my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also, beer. Big fan.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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