plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
