I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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