okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize