Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
