i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
