YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
