you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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