You made me cry and you don't even care
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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