we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
