not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
