I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
...so i touched it.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
