so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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