i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
