We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
