3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
