he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
