somebody snuck up and got me drunk
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
