I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
