R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We got so high we made milksteak
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
