Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
