I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
