he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
