My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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