Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
whose parrot is this?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
