wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
