I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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