I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
