Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
