Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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