I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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