My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
