i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
