I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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