dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
