I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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