i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
