Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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