My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize