come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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