just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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