DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
