Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
