She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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