I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
