Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
